Just need to write

Then possibly an idea will come. So I've thought quite a bit of a project that I could do and I can't quite put my finger on it. I've thought about having people donate to keep me going, but for what? Why would anyone want to continue funding me to continue to travel? I thought today about perhaps I set up a 1800flower type website. Where people could write in and have me write messages in the sand for them and send them along to loved ones. They could find out where I was and send me a)the message and b)their email address. Then I could charge them $10 or so for the photo and that could keep me going for quite some time.

Then I thought of perhaps traveling with an object and taking photos of it and hopefully getting a sponsor along the way - but what object? A coca cola bottle? a geico gecko? I need to think of something universal and something with a happy warm feeling. :)

Then there's the idea of people's smiles - perhaps I get crest to sponsor a worldwide 'brush your teeth' campaign?

There's the 5-4-3-2-1 idea - 1 year, 2 ....I get stuck. 2 million dollars? Pennies? Donation - but to what? Development! But how?

I feel like they're all half ideas - I can't seem to pinpoint a solid idea. Blerg.

Dancing - that's already been done. Hugs? That's been done? I can't do music - that's out.

I need to take a weekend and plant myself in the barnes and noble travel section and make a list of everything that's been written. A year in Bali, traveling the world on $10 a day, yada yada yada. I keep thinking it's all been done but it's surprising how many people will buy a book about people doing these things instead of actually stepping out their front door and doing them. I totally get it - I've bought furniture. I've planted myself in NYC for quite some time. I need some sort of thing that people want but can't afford to get. Nothing luxurious but perhaps a picture, but a picture of what? a video of what? It needs to be viral.

Damn.

Back to the drawing board. maybe I write Ellen....but what do I say? Give me money, please?

It may just be the rain

Today I'm in a weird rut. It's been forever since I blogged and had this idea of a 'I'm back' blog but I just couldn't be bothered to do it today. I'm over this weather. I don't want to wake up 15 years from now in the same spot. I miss school. At least then you had a change every semester/summer. I've been living in the same place doing the same thing for the last 3 years. I need a change. I want to move on but I can't because of financial restrictions. How badly do I really want to move if I keep spending my money on the weekend, etc. Blerg. I wanted to plant myself in a city for a bit and I've done that. I've created an amazing network for myself full of love, joy, laughter, and support so why all of a sudden do I want to sell everything I own and pack up and hit the road? I need to start using my talents in the field that I've always dreamed of. I've had enough fun in this job - I don't need it anymore.

The return of the Insults.

I recently got called a 'Chump' and it reminded me of how amazing that insult is. I say you use it.

(yes that is all I wanted to post about deal with it)

The list of Advice

Dear Abby,

 

I have been married for several years now, but sometime over the last year I contracted a case of herpes.  My wife doesn't show any signs and insists that I contracted it some other way.  I know my wife is faithful, in fact, we've talked about it over the course of our marriage.  Plus, it hasn't been brought up since she returned from a cruise with her college friends last Spring.  What other ways could this have happened to me?

 

Thanks.

 

A bit sore in Atlanta

Dear Crabby (oh, I mean, a bit sore in Atlanta)

Have you ever seen the movie Overboard?  Well I suggest you watch it, it's an epic blockbuster from 1987.  Goldia Hawn does wonders.  Enough about the best film in our generations history and onto your problem.  Now I can understand how this might be puzzling for you.  I awkwardly enough have had a little experience in this arena.  I too once went on a cruise called the 'Celebrity Haaaay' cruise line and found a pool boy named Julio.  He was a Brazilian man cleaning the pool in a green gstring. Anywho, I digress.  What I'm basically trying to say is your wife is a whore and she slept most likely the pool boy.  That or you go to a gym with a bunch of skanks and they don't wash the towels properly.  

Glad I could help. 

-Sally sweet. 

Dear Sore-y in Atlanta,

Have you ever considered that maybe you are the whore? I mean, I don't want to point fingers or anything, but since you know your wife is faithful, it's probably YOU who is cheating. This makes the most sense, and since you are probably exposing your dear, sweet wife to your infected genitals, you should consider lobbing off the offending unit so as not to put your wonderful, wonderful, faithful wife into harms way. 

-kansan erin

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

Hello there Dr. Phil.  Long time reader, first time looking for advice.  Me and my husband, also named Phil :-), have a 14 year old daughter Catherine.  We live on a farm in Texas with many animals and since Catherine is an only child she loves all of them very much.  This is especially true with one of our horses Jeremy.  She spends a lot of time in the stables even when all the chores have been completed.  Sometimes she falls asleep from working so hard and we find her there the next morning!  Anyway, we would like her to make some real friends without taking away her pets and animals.  They've been such a source of happiness for her.

 

Betsy, Dallas

Dearest Betsy in Dallas-

Well first thing, Dallas? Really? Lame.  Are you wearing a cowboy hat right now?  Yeah, I thought so.  Now, I think the best way for you and your child to move past the animals needs to be something monumental.  What do I mean? I mean you just need to make one clear and final gesture that being creepy and hanging out in barns is not ok. Thoughts? I have 2 words for you: Glue Factory

-Nancy Neat. 

Dear Betsy, 

hm...my partner in advice makes a good point. dallas....anyway, all of this talk of horses and a young girl lighting up a cigarette after being out in the barn all night makes me wonder, would your daughter happen to be named for catherine the great? because here's the deal, there is such thing as too MUCH love for a girl, if you no what i mean....no? fine. just buy the girl a vibrator and get on with life. i want some m&ms.

-kansan erin

Dear Abby-

I'm young, single and living in the BIG city. I'm interested in dating but can't look/talk/touch people that I'm really interested in.  Do you have any suggestions for how I can a) get over that and b) nag a hot date?

Dear Young and Single,

First, I find that the biggest inhibitor when it comes to meeting people is common sense.  Maybe you are self-conscious because you are ugly. Or maybe you are really good at reading people's expressions and you know that they find you to be--to put it delicately--awful, overbearing, and unintelligent. So, you don't approach people you might have a sexual interest in because you can tell that you will be rejected by them. never you worry, gentle reader! i have a solution: alcohol. might, mighty alcohol! alcohol not only brings your inhibitions crashing down, but it also makes people who are not so attractive more attractive. so even if you don't get your claws into that hot guy you're eying, you can certainly sink them into his dowdy, sad best friend! either way, the drink is the way to go. or drugs, but they have to be hard drugs. once you've brought someone home with you, they are practically your territory forever, so you can make them be your hot date at any time from there on out. 

Dear Young, Single

Ok let's do A first.  You just get over it - it's that simple.  Now making sure you snag a hot date becomes a bit more tricky.  Well first what you need to do is buy a handkerchief and some nail polish remover.  Now what you want to do is put a mask over your head (given that today is halloween this wont be awkward) and go and hang outside the Ford Modeling Agency.  Put some polish remover into the handkerchief and wait.  Once you see a hottie put the 'hankie' over his mouth until he goes to 'sleep'.  Now, he's yours!  This is very easy.  I do it all the time.  The cops will understand - just tell them your situation and that all you wanted was to get laid.  But if you don't feel comfortable doing this getting drunk is probably your next bets bet - cause yeah, you're probably ugly.  

Dear Abby-

My roomates have forbid me from getting a cat.  how do i work around them to make my dream of becoming a cat lady a reality?'--

Dearest Cat Lady-

Dont' be a crazy cat lady.  It starts with 1 cat then it continues to multiply until you've become that Crazy Cat Lady down the street that no longer notices the stench of cat piss all over her.  Yeah it's best not to venture down that road. 

Dear Cat Lady,

you are crazy. nobody likes apartments that smell like cat pee. i suggest that you move out of your apartment, move into a box and acquire 15 felines STAT. then everyone will know you for who you really are. CRAZY

Dear Abby-

Do you ever forget where your nose is on your face? i do.  what can i do to remedy this situation?

Dear Forgetful,

becky, is that you? i mean, you were talking about not being able to find your nose yesterday, so i just thought....anyway, no. no one ever forgets where their nose is but you. use a mirror. then you will be able to see where to put your zicam swabs. unless you are a vampire and can't see your reflection. in which case, zicam won't help you much anyway.

Dear Nose-body-

Easy. Solution: http://www.orientaltrading.com/ui/browse/processRequest.do?demandPrefix=12&sku=14/329&mode=Searching&erec=10&D=clown+costume&cm_mmc=google-_-otc+sendtec+apparel-_-clown+costume-_-clown+wigs&Ntt=clown+costume&Ntk=all&Dx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&Ntx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&searchTerm=clown+costume&N=0&BP=8917&requestURI=processProductsCatalog&Source=Google&sd=Light-Up+Red+Nose

The list about Theme'd events

(ROY G BIV Party, We were missing O and I)

Things that are annoying about Theme'd events:

When you show up and you're one of the very few people who decided to dress up

When the hosts don't give you proper time to prepare your outfit

The walk of shame the next morning (not that I've ever been there)

Things that ROCK about Theme'd events.

Think of all the possibilities!

It makes your normal boring night out, much more entertaining

Gives you an excuse to buy bright yellow shorts

When else can you really rock a sparkly fanny pack?

You usually get laid

Glitter, body paint, neon are some of the things usually involved

You get to look 'cool' on facebook after people tag the photos of you.

You get to use your creative juices that your job isn't allowing you to utilize.

People will realize you're pretty sweet for participating.

No one will ever say you're boring.

If you get arrested, think of the mug shot!

The list about American Apparel.

Things that are 'good' about American Apparel:

Leg warmers
Head bands
Short shorts
Comfortable, durable, cheap tshirts
High socks
Comfortable briefs
They have a t-shirt that says Legalize it - referring to Immigration rights
They are based in L.A
They give their employees great benefits
The don't send their production overseas into sweat shops

How progressive they are in the publications they use for advertisements

Things that are 'bad' about American Apparel:

The president of the company likes to sleep with the excessively skinny models

Their ads are a little demeaning and exploitive
Every gay man owns the same shit

Wow, really?

So perhaps some of you got my email about this volunteer opportunity in Brooklyn. I had signed up for this organization to help plants trees. I traveled a lot in August and wanted to 'offset' my carbon footprint a little bit. This organization wants $100 for a damn TWIG, so I decided to donate my time instead. Well this day I was suppose to be out in Brooklyn at 9:30am. For those of you who don't know how far away Brooklyn is from my place, well, trust me - it's far. Anywho, I had plans to take it easy Friday night and stay in so I could wake up early. Well, wrong. I got a text from a friend about Boy's night at Fuerza Bruta. This is a picture from the show:Now, I know what you're thinking: 'What the hell?' Well, that's exactly what you think the entire show, but you bask in it's amazement at the same time. This is the type of show that you can't be 100% sober for. So we had dinner and Benton's bright idea was to do sake bombs at dinner, and you know I can't say no to sake bombs. I was successfully tipsy by the time we arrived for the show. I allotted myself to go out after for 1 drink and 1 drink only. Cause in the morning I had to:I even set 4 alarms to wake me up early enough to get there on time! I woke up at 11:45 looking like this:

Ok, not AS bad as this, but I did sleep through my alarm which was annoying since I clearly made an effort to volunteer. Don't worry, I'm checking myself into: www.promises.com