I'm a freakin' MESS!

Yes that's true, I am a mess but not your average mess like this :

More like my life is quickly becoming a disaster inside and out and I can't seem to hold on, These are the types of things going on in my head right now:

I'm not kidding-dont fuck with an ape gangsta. Ok for real, I'll get to my current status. So remmeber that guy? The one with the boyfriend? Yeah, him. Well he decided to fuck with my head and buy me 2 dozen white tulips to get delivered to my work. I know, the first time a guy EVER bought me flowers and my reaction: Pissed. Now this isn't because I hate love (against previous thought from previous blogs) but because I'm trying to get this man OUT of my head and what does he do? Make sure he's front and center. I text him a thank you because I am a nice person and can't receive flowers and not reply, but alas he kept trying to contact me throughtout the day and the next. I finally (thanks with a little help from brooklyn lager) text him to say 'if you really do care about me you'll leave me be.' Oh here's a pic of the flowers he sent:

minus all that green crap, and a much more beautiful vase. Anyway I divulge (I know I never do that.) So I haven't heard from him since, which is nice (well debateable). I can attempt to move on. So THEN I wake up this morning and grab all my cards (cause i still dont have a wallet) and my passport for ID to head out the door. I get to the subway and no passport in back pocket. Now I checked with Jill back home and it's nowhere in the apt. or the building, or my bag, or by the super. SOOOO I lost my passport which sucks because now I can't go out for god knows how long because I have to wait for the MAIL for a new letter from Kansas that I need to get a new license for New York (I know, who sends shit in the mail anymore? Kansas is so Oregon Trail). Then on top of that, it has immense sentimental value-with all the stamps and etc. So this lost wallet is becoming QUITE expensive (money I dont have). So then I go to lunch and walk to my bank to dispute $80 in overdraft fees (yup day keeps getting better) cause I had to open new accounts and there were pending amounts and I told the lady that and still these charges show up. Anywho I walk by a woman who says 'orchards $10' so I said fuck it.

These are beautiful and I'm going to buy it to help me be in a better mood. It sorta worked. I'm an optimistic person but COME ON universe, give me something. I'm trying to see the positive, dont be attached to material belongings, the memories are in my head, you could use a weekend not going out to the clubs, blah blah blah but I WANT MY FUCKING PASSPORT BITCHES! I already have 'LOST' posters printed up that I plan on putting up tonight and tomorrow morning on my route to work. I really would like it back, so I'm willing it back to me, wish me luck.....